Well it's been a while hasn't it; not a single blog post in a whole month. I would apologise but I have only just surfaced from what felt like an ever spiralling pit of deadlines and exams, so cut me some slack okay ... I have to say I'm pretty disappointed that I appear to have missed a wealth of blog opportunities in the media recently, and I did start some drafts amidst the madness, but as they say, 'yesterday's newspapers are today's chip papers' (or something along those lines); immediacy is what makes news and entertainment interesting.
So now I have a month off from uni and am keen to start writing again, but what do I find? Nothing that inspires me. I've spent months inhibiting inspiration in a bid to channel it towards my exams and now it's run dry. Like a true Brit however, whenever in doubt of what to talk about, talk about the weather.
So it's currently summer (apparently) and there is no sunshine in sight, not to mention that this week forecasts torrential rain and thunderstorms. Like the rest of the population, this does depress me slightly, particularly when I was too busy to enjoy what sunshine we did have a couple of weeks ago, but ever the optimist, I am remembering all of the negative things about summer in a bid to appreciate the weather we do have. So here are 10 things that we are thankfully spared whilst the sun is away.
1. Hayfever
Whatever the weather, hayfever generally ruins my summer. When I was little, summer consisted of bike rides, football, building dens and frolicking in the fields like lambs. Moving from a town, my first summer in the village was planned to be filled with just this. However, when a game of hide and seek left me looking like Yoda one afternoon, I soon realised rolling around in fields was a bad move. At least without sun, you're not missing out on anything from the safety of your pollen free home.
2. Shorts
In my opinion if you're wearing shorts over the age of 12 as fashion pieces, you need to stop and re-evaluate your life, but if you're a supporter of shorts and reading this blog, here's a couple of tips:
- If the pockets poke out from underneath your shorts ... your shorts are too short.
- If you can see the crotch support of your tights ... your shorts are too short.
- If you get a draught in uncomfortable places ... your shorts are too short.
- If you can't bend over without giving everyone a showing of the total eclipse ... your shorts are too short.
At least without sun, innocent members of the public are spared this inevitable display of cellulite.
3. Sunburn.
The lobster is never a good look. I have to say, I don't get burnt often, thus generally I don't bother with sun cream. However, if I do get burnt, it's generally in the most painful, and obvious places such as my nose, my ears, my cheeks ... you know ... things that stick out and catch the sun. At least without the sun, you can avoid looking like somebody set you alight.
4. Tan lines.
I don't want to rub anyone's nose in it, but I'm quite naturally tanned all year round ... wink wink ... but as I tan easily, I am prone to tan lines. I kind of like the bikini tan line; it shows you've been on holiday. However, permanent T-shirts and permanent flip flops are never good; they ruin other outfits. Nothing is as bad as the panda eyes though ... you know ... that cheeky doze in the sun with your sunglasses on ... we've all been there.
5. Inappropriate Flesh Flashing
Brits are notorious for getting their kit off at the first glimpse of sun and thus it is not unusual to see a topless man with a beer belly and tattoos crossing the road on a sunny day in April, nor is it unusual to see a wrinkly old woman in bright colours with sweat patches in Tesco. Like short shorts, nobody wants to see this. Alternatively though, you get all the young people stripping off as well. Girls with Dorito shade tans in their mini skirts and string vests waltz around looking glamorous, making the rest of us feel inadequate. Lads don't seem to ever remove their sunglasses and show off bursting biceps in tight vests. At least without the sun we are spared such idiots.
6. Beauty Regime
During the winter months hairy legs are slightly acceptable ... well ... if you're single anyway. You can quite happily harvest the National Forest under those jeans and nobody can know about it. However, when summer comes you have to wack out the sheers and keep your legs silky smooth: effort or what? What's more, if you want to wear sandals, painting your toe nails is expected: I repeat ... effort or what? At least without the sun you can happily continue to look more and more like Chewbacca without being judged.
7. Summer Wardrobe
When the sun's out, everyone wants the new summer wardrobe, filled with this season's fashion: those statement sunglasses, those glitzy sandals, but this costs money, particularly when you're only going to wear them for a few months. Equally, if like myself, your 'summer bod' New Year's Resolution didn't exactly work out (yet again) there's a lot of pressure to bare the flesh which can make you feel uncomfortable. At least without the sun, you can save some cash and huddle up in your favourite oversized jumper comfort eating until next summer.
8. BBQ Stains
Although the fashion changes every year, one thing remains constant: the presence of white and pale coloured clothing. It looks lovely, almost glistens in the sun and it's practical, it doesn't absorb heat, but then you go to a BBQ ... you bite into a burger and the ketchup drips out the other side; you attack a BBQ rib and drop it in your haste; the grease from the chicken simply soaks through the paper plate onto your lap, and then you have one too many and red wine gets thrown over you or somebody else. It's inevitable. I don't think I've ever been to a BBQ and not spilt something down me. I generally resolve this by not wearing white, but at least without the sun, you don't even have to worry about the possibility as BBQs are impossible.
9. Insects
Fly repellent isn't the most attractive of perfumes but the alternative is getting eaten alive and having great red blotches ruining your summer legs. You constantly find dead daddy long legs and flies on your window sills and you stubbornly ignore your mother when she tells you to put some shoes on if you're going outside, as you'll tread on a wasp. At least without the sun, none of these annoying insects can survive the cold conditions.
10. What am I saying? There are not that many reasons to be positive without sunshine.
Who am I kidding? I'd pop a Piriton in order to enjoy the sunshine. People who wear shorts that are too short or flash too much flesh reassure me that I don't look that bad in a dress. I'd stock up on After Sun cooling lotion to compensate for my sunburnt face. Even my all year round tan is fading and in need of a top up. I'd go to the effort of shaving my legs and painting my toe nails given a worthwhile reason. My student loan is simply asking to be spent on some new clothes. The inevitable BBQ stain on that white lace top is what is keeping Vanish Oxy Action in business and different fly sprays can actually smell quite nice ...
Here's to hoping the British summer is on its way ...
