Feeling like a lemon.

Lately, I frequently get sent shopping by the chefs at work on account I live near a supermarket and the chefs are just lazy quite honestly. It's generally very odd lists and ridiculous quanitities; the cashiers must think I really love mushy peas and aubergines. Anyway, the weekend took it to a whole different level with 20 lemons. I mean come on, for what reason could any normal person want that many lemons? 

Well when life gives you lemons ... 

So I'll paint the picture for you ... I'm in Tesco, absolutely destroying the lemon stand and me, simply being me, thought I could shove them in one bag. I'm sure you can guess what happened in the centre of Tesco as I walked away ... 

So there I am, torn bag in hand, cursing and chasing, actually chasing, 20 rolling lemons around the aisle. Fairly embarassed and flustered, I just kept dropping them. What annoyed me however was that no one thought to help me. Now I know it was my fault but it's common decency if someone drops something to offer a hand, right? Well clearly not. Several people walked past me and not even a member of staff helped; I felt like the beaten Jew in the Good Samaritan story.

Okay, slight exaggeration, but one person did help, someone who I least expected. In my fluster I didn't even look up from my crawling; all I saw was muscular, manly hands grabbing my lemons, and I thought at last, a gentleman. 

In fact, you know in films when the girl's kind of ditsy and she meets the man of her dreams at the most awkward, embarassing moment? He helps her in her moment of need. Their hands maybe clumsily touch. She's bashfully apologising. They finally come up. Their eyes meet and linger longer than necessary. Then it's happily ever after. She's found someone who finds her clumsiness endearing ... 

... Well that didn't happen. 

After I'd lost all my dignity but regained most of my lemons, I looked up to thank my knight in shining armour. 

My knight, happened to be, a man in a dress ... 

Oh no, that's not all. He had a brunette wig resembling a bad Billy Rae Cyrus mullet, and a cheap Barbie pink lipstick that clashed with his blue eyeliner. 

I'm not going to lie I was pretty taken aback. Firstly because I was slightly disappointed this wasn't my true love moment. Secondly because that was the last face I'd expected to see when I looked up. 

Then I was annoyed. Why wouldn't he (... she?) help me? He's still human, with human values. In fact he was kinder than all the stuck up women that walked past me. He was more helpful than the staff that get paid to help idiots like me. He was more gentlemanly than all of the men that walked past. He took the time to help me. One simple unexpected act of human kindness, that is sadly all too rare.

So although he may want and be able to change his gender physically (sort of) he clearly can't shake his gentlemanly values and for that, I'm very grateful. 

So when life gives you lemons, put them in a gin and tonic and sit back and appreciate the small acts of kindness that make the world a nicer place.

Superhero Top Trumps ... The Revised Edition

So as many of you know, I'm a bit of a superhero fan. Now don't jump to conclusions, I'm not some reclusive comic book nerd or anything, but living with two brothers the majority of my life, was bound to affect me somehow, and I guess I got off lightly in that a love of action films is really all we share. So when Man of Steel was released a couple of weeks ago, I figured I wouldn't have a problem finding someone to go with, but apparently not; what is honestly the point of brothers if not to go and see cool films your girl friends don't enjoy? Anyway I only managed to get to see it at the end of last week but believe me it was worth wait. If you haven't seen it, sort your life out. 

I have to admit, Superman has never been one of my favourites. He was always a bit too squeaky clean and cheesy for me. However, Zack Snyder's interpretation has completely transformed my opinion. It is possible that this does have something to do with the God that is Henry Cavill playing the man himself, but with Russell Crowe and Kevin Costner starring alongside him and a soundtrack by Hans Zimmer, this film was always destined for great things. Superman's soft, strawberry red cape has been replaced with a strong, sweeping ruby velvet wave. His sky blue leotard has morphed into a dark scaly cast of Cavill's temple abs and there is not a pair of Y-fronts in sight. The 21st century Man of Steel has really upped his game.

The film opens with Superman's birth as Kal-el on planet Krypton and his plummet to Earth to escape the destruction of his planet. Snyder presents snippets of a difficult, confused childhood through flashbacks, as he is raised as Clark Kent by adoptive humans, but focuses on his discovery of his true identity and his vow to use his powers for the good of humanity. However, don't be fooled into thinking this is a mere life story. The story quickly accelerates with an amalgamation of the original Superman film and Superman 2 in the arrival of General Zod early on, quickly challenging Kent's loyalty to Earth and leading to some thrillingly dramatic battle scenes. 

I'll say no more for fear of spoiling it for those who may not have seen it, but what I will say is that I'm already on edge for the next instalment.

Coming out of the cinema I found myself, and indeed heard others, comparing the new Man of Steel to The Dark Knight and other famous superheroes. IGN have already released the top 100 comic book heroes but when it comes to films, it really is a tough competition, and thus the only way we will come to a sufficient conclusion is to closely judge these heroes on factors that really matter ... 

Anyone for a good ol' game of Top Trumps? I'll start with the new boy in question ... 

Superman 

Played by Henry Cavill 

IGN Rating: #1

Superman, also known as Man of Steel, is an extraterrestrial being sent to Earth in order to survive the destruction of his home planet Krypton. He embodies the best of both his worlds, the superhuman qualities of Krypton: flight, super strength, super speed, super intelligence and super vision, but epitomises the strong moral compass instilled in him by his adoptive Earth parents. He is brave and kind hearted with a strong sense of justice, and strives to protect the planet that has adopted him. 

Abs Rating: 10
Unintentional Destruction: 10
Topless Rating: 10
Cool Costume:  9
Angry Stare: 9
Tragic Past: 6
Strength: 10
Speed: 10
Intelligence: 10
Good Intent: 10
Annoying Female Love Interest: 10
Overall Sex Appeal: 10

Batman

Played by Christian Bale
IGN Rating: #2

After watching the murder of his parents as a child, billionaire and playboy Bruce Wayne vows to seek revenge on their killers. Having no natural superhuman powers, he trains himself physically and mentally to adopt the persona of the Batman, a figure of fear for the criminals of Gotham city. He uses his intellect, wealth and the latest technology to seek out crime and make him the best detective in the city, but his intentions and methods are controversial in his breaking of the law supposedly for the greater good.

Abs Rating: 7
Unintentional Destruction: 9
Topless Rating: 6
Cool Costume:  10
Angry Stare:10
Tragic Past: 10
Strength: 7
Speed: 7
Intelligence: 8
Good Intent: 6
Annoying Female Love Interest: 3
Overall Sex Appeal: 7

Spiderman

Played by Tobey Maguire
IGN Rating: #3

Geeky orphan Peter Parker doesn't have a lot going for him; that is until he is bitten by a radioactive spider on a field trip which gives him spider senses, super strength and the ability to shoot webs and cling to walls. Initially a tool to help him climb the social ladder, Parker's life is changed when his beloved Uncle Ben is killed in a hit and run that he could have prevented, and vowing to take revenge and fight crime in New York, he realises that 'with great powers comes great responsibility'. He's not the stereotypical superhero, he's accident prone, weedy and has a damaging inferiority complex, but he always tries to do the right thing. 

Abs Rating: 4
Unintentional Destruction: 5
Topless Rating: 4
Cool Costume:  6
Angry Stare: 5
Tragic Past: 9 
Strength: 7
Speed: 8
Intelligence: 9
Good Intent: 8
Annoying Female Love Interest: 9
Overall Sex Appeal: 2

The Incredible Hulk 

Played by Edward Norton

IGN Rating: #9

Who would have thought that the alter ego of puny, weakling Bruce Banner was a giant green humanoid? In an experiment to create a super soldier, Banner consumed a large amount of gamma radiation consequently turning into the Hulk when angry or stressed. For years, socially withdrawn and depressed Banner desperately searches for a cure for his condition but after learning to control the mindless savage inside him, he becomes the perfect warrior saving the world from abomination. He has possibly the best six pack the world has ever seen, but green is unfortunately not his best colour.

Abs Rating: 10
Unintentional Destruction:10
Topless Rating: 5
Cool Costume: 4
Angry Stare: 10
Tragic Past: 6
Strength: 10
Speed: 7
Intelligence: 7
Good Intent: 6
Annoying Female Love Interest: 4
Overall Sex Appeal: 1

Wolverine

Played by Hugh Jackman

IGN Rating: #4

Wolverine, widely known as Logan, part of the X-men and Avengers, epitomises the instincts of his animal name: fang teeth, claws, and animal senses of smell, sight and hearing. His powers were born naturally, together with immortality. The government try to use this to their advantage in creating the perfect soldier and thus inject adamantium into his body, making Logan indestructible. As a result of his exploitation at the hands of the government he resents authority and may appear brutish and unfeeling, but if you've managed to accidentally kill everyone you love, I guess you'd be pretty weary of any intimate interaction as well. His intelligence, reliability and loyalty make him capable mentor and leader for others.

Abs Rating: 10
Unintentional Destruction: 5
Topless Rating: 10
Cool Costume: 5
Angry Stare: 10
Tragic Past: 9
Strength: 9
Speed: 9
Intelligence: 9
Good Intent: 9
Annoying Female Love Interest: 5
Overall Sex Appeal: 9

Ironman

Played by Robert Downey, Jr

IGN Rating: #12

Tony Starke is a master of mathematics, physics, and chemistry as well as both electrical and mechanical engineering, making him the most intelligent of all of the superheroes. However, such intelligence is in demand, and the playboy billionaire is soon kidnapped and held captive to build a weapon of mass destruction. Instead of complying with the captors, Starke builds an iron suit combining military weapons, and allowing him super strength and flight, allowing him to escape, but when a piece of shrapnel becomes lodged in his chest he is forced to keep the suit on if he is to remain alive, and vows to fight criminals like his captors. 

Abs Rating: 4
Unintentional Destruction: 5
Topless Rating: 4
Cool Costume: 9
Angry Stare: 8
Tragic Past: 7
Strength: 9
Speed: 6
Intelligence: 10
Good Intent: 8
Annoying Female Love Interest: 7
Overall Sex Appeal: 7

So there we have it. The Man of Steel fairs pretty well against his predecessors. Close behind him however is Wolverine, and with a new film later this year, I'm sure the competition will be tightened once again.