Man Vs. Vending Machine

I never considered myself to have particularly large hands, but today I discovered that I was either deluded, or vending machines were made for hobbits.

The only time I come into contact with these peculiar beings is at university but although I'm starting to realise that they are more trouble than they're worth, I will not be beaten by an impassive, intellectually deprived robot.

During my first week at university, I thought I'd squeeze in a snack between lectures; the Mini Cheddars were calling me ... 

Upon bending down to retrieve them from the machine however, I realised they didn't actually fit through the flap; there was far too much air in the bag and they physically did not fit. Now I was pretty hungry, so I found myself in a full on fight with a vending machine, a fight which I lost I hasten to add. The outcome of the brawl was a bag of crumbs, half of which I left in the machine, after having to break the bag to get them out. 

Sad I know ... but desperate times, call for desperate measures ...

Vending Machine: 1 

Me: 0

A few weeks later, I tried my luck at some crisps. However, I faced similar difficulties and to avoid embarrassment in front of all of the second year students in the lecture next to me, I surrendered and abandoned the crisps in the machine. There the machine was, laughing at me, 70p richer and holding my crisps hostage ...

Vending Machine: 2

Me: 0

Today however, I opted for something a bit smaller: a Kit Kat. There was absolutely no way I was leaving this in the machine ... The Kit Kat fit through the flap fine, as for my hand though, I cannot say the same. As soon as I put my hand in, I knew it was a bad idea as I felt it instantly get wedged. At first I panicked; I thought I was going to have to awkwardly call security to come and release me from a vending machine ... 

Before I lost all dignity however, I was determined getting my hand stuck was not going to be in vain; that Kit Kat was coming out if it meant losing a limb ... there had to be a justified reason for getting in such a predicament after all ...

After desperate stretching, pushing and prodding, I got my Kit Kat and a free bruise on my hand. I managed to spare myself the humiliation of asking someone else for assistance and  painfully manoeuvred my own way out. 

Despite my war wounds ...

Vending Machine: 2 

Me: 1 

Next time vending machine, just you wait for the equaliser ... this isn't over.