The sandwich. It's an age old snack and yet it never gets boring. They're always there when I need them, always ready in a matter of minutes if I'm too lazy to cook, they've never given me a bad meal.
I could sit here and tell you that the sandwich originated from Asia when a Jewish man used flat breads to pick up food from a platter, but quite frankly it's an incredibly dull heritage for something so revolutionary and life changing.
There is a sandwich for any occasion: breakfast, lunch, dinner, even a half sandwich for a snack. I love each and every one of them, it's not a love triangle but more like several love pentagons.
If you're Gwyneth Paltrow or a health freak, this isn't the post for you, but if you like sandwiches, read on.
Here's my top five favourite sandwiches ever, which if you haven't tried, you haven't lived...
5. The Healthy Sandwich
The kind of sandwiches I'm about to describe are apparently not all that healthy but when you see the rest of my favourites you'll see salad and brown bread make a great deal of difference.
- Tuna and Cucumber- only if it's made with mayo.
- Cold Egg- only if it's made with salad cream.
- Seafood and salad- Prawns, smoked salmon ... they're all great but they're not the kinds of fillings you have at home to make a spontaneous sandwich.
4. The Tailored Sandwich
One of the things I love about sandwiches is the fact you can theoretically put anything you like in them. Some may not agree but to you they taste amazing so everyone else can just gag on. I don't think mine are too weird but here's some they certainly don't sell in shops ...
- Tuna and Wotsits
- Cheese and Baked Beans
- Toasted Mushroom and Ketchup
- Cheese and Pineapple
- Just plain Walker's Cheese and Onion Crisps
3. The Left-Over Sandwich
Two slices of white bread and left-over dinner.
Left-over sandwiches are pure luck, but if you get a good one it's worth the wait. My personal favourite is left over chicken, southern fried chicken, roast chicken, piri-piri chicken, cold chicken, mayo and salad sandwiches never disappoint. Equally though, roast beef and tomato, the BLT and fish finger sandwiches are also popular favourites. The possibilities are endless. Everyone used to get pretty grossed out when I'd have cold sausage sandwiches and ketchup in my sandwiches for school, but it truly helped me get through double science after lunch.
2. The Christmas Sandwich
Two slices of white bread, Mayonnaise, left over turkey, left over stuffing.
The only reason that this is not my favourite sandwich is that Christmas only comes once a year. This could have also come under option number three, but turkey is far more superior to basic chicken. That's right, this is the Christmas Extravaganza, some people like cranberry sauce but I love mayo. If you're anything like my family, you buy a big enough turkey just for leftovers in sandwiches. Only 278 days until my next turkey sandwich, bring it on ...
And you thought we were finished there... oh no, we forgot the all important Christmas gammon sandwich. I say Christmas because we only have it at Christmas but if you're lucky enough to have gammon more than once a year, your parents love you. Now generally, I like to fill my sandwiches with several fillings and sauces, but this is the one thing I have just plain with butter. It's perfect the way it is.
1. The Hangover Sandwich aka. 'The Terminator'
Two slices of white bread, Heinz Tomato Ketchup, one fried egg, two rashers of smoked bacon, two sausages, sliced mushrooms.
A hangover will go one of two ways, you'll either become well acquainted with a toilet bowl or you will be hungry all day. I prefer the latter and this sandwich is a life saver.
Now this is not for the faint hearted. If you're not going to do it properly simply don't bother. It takes great skill in a variety of areas to pull this bad boy off. It's a balancing act. If you go top heavy, it's going to topple. If you don't trap the smaller objects, there'll be an avalanche. If you don't cook your egg right, it's going to be a massacre and you'll be missing out on vital colour, flavour and texture.
Not only do you have to make it correctly but you have to eat it correctly as well. Now, it is to be cut diagonally across the middle. If you cut horizontally you're guaranteed to have more yolk on one side than the other, cut it vertically and you're just stupid. When you go to pick up the sandwich, you're going to need both hands. Hold from the crusts and eat from the top. Failure to do this, will result in dismantlement.
This sandwich isn't for everyone but you can tailor it to you needs. If you have high cholesterol, grill your bacon instead of frying as it is quite literally a heart attack on a plate. If you're vegetarian, don't think of it as murder, the bread is simply giving the pig a hug. Finally, if you nibble your sandwiches or pick them apart this just isn't the sandwich for you and I'd recommend starting smaller, maybe just bacon. This sandwich needs someone with guts, someone with stamina, someone with passion to do it justice. To get it's full potential you need man-sized bites to get a bit of everything in one mouthful.
It takes practice I'm not going to lie to you, but if you're determined, you will get there and you won't regret it.
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