The ponderings of a 20-year-old cynic.

So it's been a while hasn't it? Just over two months in fact. I'd like to be able to say I've been off doing all of these exciting things over the summer but in fact I've been having a minor emotional breakdown over uni stress and have only just resurfaced from what can only be called a quarter-life crisis. 

That's right, teenage years are now a distant memory as today marks a whole month of being twenty. I wasn't looking forward to hitting the big '2 - 0'; I felt I'd missed out on some defining teenage moments and everywhere I looked friends were having babies or getting engaged or something crazily mature. So unlike other birthdays in recent years, I spent my birthday having a sophisticated dinner with friends, drinking red wine and contemplating the wonders of the universe. A month on however, I'm discovering that twenty entails the same traumas, the same mishaps and is all in all, fairly uneventful. I mean Adele wrote albums detailing 19 and 21, Taylor Swift wrote a song about 22 (not that that really says a lot to be fair ...) but 20 doesn't even get a trashy pop song. That's how uneventful it is, I don't know what I was worried about really ...

I guess it's a fairly round number to stop and evaluate life. So in the first month of my twenties, I've been thinking; contemplating; pondering ... and here are some of the most important conclusions I've come to in my twenty years of existence:

1. There's a lot to be said for having a beautiful figure. Hopefully in the next twenty years at some point, I'll find the willpower to get one of those 'waist' things.

2. Equally however, the general consensus is that if you have the waist the size of a Twiglet, you're likely to have the personality of one also. Frankly I'd rather be a a bit chunkier and be a Wotsit or a Monster Munch.

3. Henry James rightly states that 'there are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.'

4. When tea doesn't hit the spot after a tough day though, those 'few hours' generally involve wine, lots of wine ...

or vodka and Chaka Khan ...

5. During my life time, being nerdy has actually become quite cool (fairly annoying now that I've left school but there you go) I get the feeling it might be because people have realised that that kid they bullied is quite likely to eventually earn more money than them or become their employer. So I've found a good knowledge of planet Krypton, Klingon or Middle Earth are now great conversation starters with the male sex. 

6. There's a 19 calorie difference in whether you have a four-finger Kit Kat (233 cal) or two two-finger Kit Kats (214 cal) ... every little helps.

7. Winnie the Pooh is an inspiring fellow (or A. A. Milne is for those who still don't believe that stuffed animals don't talk, even after three Toy Story films): 'You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.'

8. Cats are evil. They will take over the world. Fact.

9. If you find yourself asking for a 'skinny latte' with a 'low-fat, dairy, gluten and nut-free cookie' in Costa, you're probably going to get something that resembles ditch water and compost, so if you're one of those people, don't say you haven't been warned.

10. Pleasing everybody is impossible.

11. 'Wrinkles' is such a negative term. I prefer the term 'smile lines'. I think I'll be able to accommodate them one day, so long as they tell a positive story.

12. Of course one slice of carrot cake will not count towards your five a day, but when there are six carrots in one cake, it would be stupid to assume that the whole cake won't contribute to something positive.

13. Never will you reach an age where you don't need your Mum. 

14. Exercise is the work of the devil. 

15. Don't spend too long looking back with resentment or regret, you'll miss what's right in front of you.

16. When I was a child, I used to love children. Now I find them irritating and dirty. I hope one day I can learn to love them again and have some of my own.

17. Smiling is contagious. You may be able to afford the best designer clothes but Annie was right, you're never fully dressed without a smile. 

18. An apple, a handful of nuts and a Ryvita or a long morning walk may be good for you, but they won't make you drag your sorry, hungover backside out of bed after an amazing night.

19. The only cure for that is bacon, lots of bacon ...

20. In twenty years, a lot of people have walked in and out of my life. It's ok though; I always knew the ones that mattered most would still be here.